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 Brad
was born and raised in North Carolina and believes in absolutely
nothing related to the South. At the age of 9, he jumped
on a pair of scissors and didn't cry (much). His neighbor
looked at his wounded knee and declared that he didn't need
stitches. Now, thanks to that soulless whore, he's left
with a very small scar. Other accidents include, but
are not limited to: a muffler burn, a go cart carburetor burn,
numerous high school skate boarding wrecks, bad hair cuts,
and fat.
Throughout his typecast acting career, Brad played such memorable
glasses-wearing characters as Doc in "Snow White and
the Seven Dwarves," Hoot the Owl in "Snow White
and the Black Forest," and Four-eyes Billy in "Christmas
Time Jolly Fun" (USA title: "Jesus' Birthday Bash!!!)
However, after abandoning his trademark quarter-inch-thick
spectacles for contacts in the summer of '95, Brad's vision-driven
career was quickly blindsided. He was limited to bit
roles in "Weekend at Bernie's 3: Corpses on Patrol,"
"Rowdy Doody," and the musical, "Stand up and
Shout!" The fifteen year old singer/dancer had
his career breakdown when everyone stood up and booed.
He left Broadway to pursue a career in writing autobiographies
in third person, at which he failed miserably.
At the ripe age of 18, Brad left his just-outside-of-Charlotte
home and headed for the mountains, where he would attend the
University of North Carolina at Asheville and never, ever
make anything lower than a B. There, he teamed
up with sophomore year roommates Zach Action and Ryan Mahoney.
The three starred in short films together and soon became
part of a comedy sketch show, which, after a year or so, got
a web page, which has a bio page, which you are reading.
Maybe. Perhaps you're just skimming it or looking at
studly Kevin Catalano's picture. I don't blame you,
that's all I do here.
In the year 2017, Brad passed away after suffering from non-terminal
carpal tunnel syndrome, only to be resurrected 3 years later.
However, his body could only withstand thirteen minutes of
the very different atmosphere of 2020. After his second
passing, he was impaled in the heart with a stake, burned,
and buried in the ocean with all of the other vampire cast
members of Seriously Hilarious. (Ed. Note: There were
no vampire cast members. Brad wished there were, but
there never ever were.)
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